Our Good Gift (#4 in a series)

by Heidi

Updated for Kelly’s Korner “Show Us Your Life:”  Click here for links to our whole story of Graceanna’s adoption.

Becky asks, “Are you ready to meet her?”  Our baby girl is carried into the room.  My breath catches in my chest as I see our Good Gift for the first time.  It seems that I should have raced forward to grab her, but I think I was just stuck to the jewel toned love seat with my heart racing, palms sweating, erratic breathing, and a general effort to keep myself together.  Then, she was placed in my arms.

Tiny.  Sleepy.  Cuddly.  Sweet smelling.  Soft hair.  Beautiful baby girl.

Oh.  Those first moments.  There are no words. 

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Holding her was like sweet relief.  My daughter, that I had dreamed of so many nights, was finally in my arms.   Peace and contentment swept around and through me, but numbness was there too.  When I think about it now, the numbness makes sense.  I had spent many months fostering my fears, which thankfully turned out to be a big waste of energy.   Also, we had 3 hours to feel all the things and do all the things that most people experience over a period of at least 6 months.  With so much variety and many conflicting emotions it’s no wonder the result was numbness.

Thank you God, for this wrecking ball that caused the major fissures in the walls of fear and anger that surrounded my heart.  Those walls were ready to fall, and in time, they did.